Tabitha and Brianna - with Cassondra's image showing in the reflection...

Angel Stitches

Written by Connie Small on December 3, 2000

This picture holds a special meaning for me and my family. At first glance, you see two little girls standing in front of a building. These little girls are my grand daughters. Brianna is the diapered one, munching on watermelon. The older of the two, is Tabitha, my oldest grand daughter. Tabbi adored Cassy. Cassy equally adored Tabbi. They had a special bond. Although this picture was taken several months ago, it wasn't until after Cassy died, that anyone noticed something that hadn't been noticed before. Look to the left of the picture, to the reflection in the window. The reflection is of Cassy, sitting on the railing. If you look at her face, you can see the lights and shadows in it. To us, it looks as though Cassy is watching Tabbi and Brianna, as their Guardian Angel. This picture has brought us great comfort. It also makes us believe even more, that Cassy is an Angel.

It has now been four weeks since Cassy's death. Four weeks of asking over and over, the question no one could answer. Why?

During a conversation with my mom, I suddenly realized I was telling her what I had learned about myself since Cassy's death. The words came from my heart. I knew they were being placed there by my Angel. Their meaning became clear to me as I spoke. I was soon to see, that no matter what I had learned from her life, her death would teach me even more.

It began when my mom started telling me how she still hurt from something in her past. I told her she would always hurt from it, until she let it go. I began to use myself as an example, even though I had no idea of what I was about to say.

When Cassy died, I realized my priorities in life were not as they should be. I had let anger, pain and bitterness weigh me down for many years. My first priority was my brother. He and I hadn't spoken for more years than I could remember. That he and I did not have a brother/sister relationship hurt me deeply. It also angered me, for I blamed him. I had closed the door between he and I and locked it. I had carried the key to it, all this time.

I sat down and wrote a letter to him, telling him I was sorry for my part in the past. I wanted to make amends. I loved him, always had and always would. I told him things I knew had been my heart for a long time, but were hidden by the negative things I carried. I mailed him the letter, thus opening that locked door. It was only when I unlocked the door and threw away the key, that I realized how heavy that key had been. I began to unlock other doors to my past. Some mentally. Some in person. Some by letter. Some keys were heavy. Many were light. All were easy to use and throw away. I knew they were thrown away for good. I knew I would have no need for them again. There would never be another locked door in my heart.

With each door I unlocked, with each key I threw away, I released anger, ambivalence and hurt from my heart. I felt something replace all of that. I felt freedom. I felt happiness. I felt unconditional love. I felt my heart mend ever so slightly. Cassy was using her needles of joy and threads of love, to give my broken heart Angel Stitches. I knew then, the work Cassy wanted me to do.

Will my brother and I reconcile because of what I did? I don't know. It doesn't matter. If we don't, it won't change the way I feel. I wrote the letter to free myself from the heavy key that burdened me. I wrote to help him free himself from the keys he carried. It is my hope, that his heart will heal from Angel Stitches and he in turn, will help other hearts to heal.

Was I given the answer to "Why?". I wish it was that simple. I believe I was given more of an understanding, than an answer. It isn't what I wanted, but maybe it's what I needed. I feel that it is something I can live with.

Cassy did what work she could during her short stay on this earth. Her last job, was to teach me how to continue her work, so she could go someplace else where she was needed. She knew I would learn the lesson she left for me. She knew how terribly I would grieve for her. And that by this lesson, she could ease not only my pain, but the pain of others. She knew, I would carry her legacy. Her life will continue to touch people. Her death will not be in vain. For the rest of my life, I will reach out, I will love unconditionally. I will teach the lesson of love that she taught me. I will give Angel Stitches to broken hearts, until my own heart rests and I am with my Angel Cassy once more.

Graphics from Leah's Groovy Graphics