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I am in prison

Chained by my grief

Written by Connie Small, December 17, 2000

My cell is the world in which I live, without you in it. The bars that hold me, are as strong as any steel. Just as strong, are the deep heartaches I have carry in my heart.

My jailer is the knowledge that you're gone. No matter how much I deny, no matter how much I want it to not be true, you aren't coming back to me. I will not hold you again. I will not see your smile or hear you tell me you love me. Never before, have I hated learning as I do now.

There is no pardon for my pain. There will be no early release, unless God chooses to bring me to you. How ironic, that I am free in this world to go do as I please, when and where I want, while my freedom is tethered by my loss. I cannot go before a judge and ask for time off for the pain I have already suffered. I am separated from you by a door that has no key.

No sentence was greater. None longer. I will remain here for the rest of my life. I have been shown a new meaning, for being given a life sentence.

I miss you, my sweet Cassy. More today than yesterday. But not as much as I will tomorrow. I would give all that I am or ever will be, to have you back, just for a moment.

I love you, forever and ever, plus one more day.
Mom