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What part of "No" don’t you understand?

I’ve had enough!

Written by Connie Small, 19th April 2001

I am so tired. I’m tired of the "advice" people give me. It seems once they find I’m a grieving mother, they deem it their sole responsibility to make me stop. Well, guess what? I’ve decided that I’m tired of being polite and getting my heart ripped to shreds in the process. From now on, this is how it’s going to be:

"You HAVE to think of something else."
No.
"If you’ll just turn to God, you’ll feel better."
No.
"You’ve GOT to think of (insert name of living child or grandchild)."
No.
"MAKE yourself stop crying. You can do it!"
No
"Create a ‘new life’ without Cassy."
No
"Get a hobby. Something that you and Cassy didn’t do together."
No
"Put all of her pictures away!"
No

I am now going to refuse to explain and apologize for my way of grieving. I know people are trying to help. But when they’ve said the same things over and over since the first week of Cassy’s death and they STILL won’t listen to me, then it’s not help any more. It’s harassment. It’s hurtful. It’s cruel. It’s rude.

I’ve tried to be nice and listen without saying a word. I’ve tried to explain why their advice doesn’t work for me (or anyone else who has lost someone they love). I’ve even apologized for not "being over this by now". Nothing has worked. People are still determined to not only give me their advice, but also insist that I follow it.

I wouldn’t have tolerated such treatment before Cassy died. No one even tried. But grieving is a topic that seemingly can’t be left untouched. It’s right up there with the "pregnancy horror stories" that are dispensed by "well-meaning" people.

So the next time you try give me your ‘helpful’ advice, please don’t be offended, but the answer is NO.