 |
Why NOT me, Lord?
You never asked me if I'd go in her place.
November 19, 2000
Lord, You never asked me if I'd go in her place. You didn't give me the chance. I would have gladly offered You myself, so that You would take me, instead of my daughter.
She was so young. She had so much more living and giving to do. She was doing Your work! She was happy to do so. You know the pleasure she derived from helping others. You know all the good she did. You know the many hearts she touched. So why did You take her? Why did You take her in such a way, that my faith to You was put to the test? You didn't have to destroy her mortal being. You could have left that part of her behind, for me to be able to say good-bye to. You didn't need her body, Lord! Why did You take that comfort from me? You knew I needed that part of her. I don't understand why, Lord, why?
You have seen the countless tears fall from my eyes. You have felt the pain in my broken heart. You have heard the question in my mind..."Was that really her? Is it really her ashes in the urn I rock and sing to?" You are all knowing. Surely, You would have known my need for closure. You took her away from me. Did You have to take my closure away too? Is this when I am to strengthen my faith in You and know that You would not lie to me?
I hurt so badly, Lord. My pain seemingly knows no boundaries. But I am angry with You too, Lord. You have taken my child and left me with questions that cannot be answered. How am I supposed to live this way? In truth, I wish I had been in that car with my child. Not because I wanted to die, not because I wanted to hurt those I'd have left behind, but because I didn't want her to go alone. You took her to a place I cannot see, a place I cannot follow. You didn't let me protect, save or help her. You left me with memories and tears. How am I supposed to live this way, Lord? How am I supposed to go on when a big part of me is gone and what is left, hurts with an eternal pain?
Why NOT me, Lord? Why not ME?